Fishing Joke of the Day

[DFreedom]

On a business trip to America, an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar reminiscing about their home countries. The Scotsman says, "there's a pub back home called Angus's, what a lovely place". "They appreciate your patronage so much that after you buy 4 drinks they give you the 5th one on the house". The Englishman says, "Well that's nice but back in London is a pub called the Black Hand where they give you a free drink after only buying 2". The Irishman says., "Well now isn't that grand". "I'll tell ye now, back in Old Ireland, there's a pub where the drinks are free the minute you walk in the door and after you've had a few pints they'll take you up stairs and see to it that you get laid". Astonished, the Englishman says, "You've actually been to this pub and had it happen to you"? "Well not me". say the Irishman, "but it's happened to me sister practically every Saturday night".

[TooReel]

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Frank's friends were very upset that he can't go, but what could they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here all day. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my eyes and

said 'guess who'?"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed, she had handcuffs and rope!

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.Then she said "Do whatever you want"Here I am!

[crash1371]

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and

invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held

the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,

oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot

man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to

anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking it's *****! Leroy was jabbing

it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and

choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through

the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the

gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a

dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring

at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million

dollars.'

'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the

bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was

amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock

options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the Sumbich who pushed me in the pool!

Film at 11:00 somthing about Wiley

Edited January 9, 2010 by TimW Texas

[Slough]

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and

invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held

the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,

oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot

man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to

anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash.

Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking it's *****! Leroy was jabbing

it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and

choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through

the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the

gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a

dime store goldfish.

Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring

at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million

dollars.'

'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the

bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was

amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock

options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the Sumbich who pushed me in the pool!

Film at 11:00 somthing about Wiley

best one yet and they all are good

[crash1371]

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

>

> A US Congressman was seated next to a littlegirl on

> the airplane leaving from Washington, DC when he

>

> turned to her and said, 'Let’s talk. I've heard

> that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation

> with your fellow passenger.'

>

> The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed

> it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would

> you like to talk

>

> about?'

>

> 'Oh, I don't know,' said the

> congressman..'How about global warming or universal

> health care', and he smiles smugly.

>

>

> OK, ' she said.

> 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask

> you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all

> eat the

>

> same stuff - grass.

>

> Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out

> a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.

> Why do you suppose

> that is?'

>

> The legislator, visibly surprised by the little

> girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,

> 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

>

>

> To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really

> feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal

> health care when you don't

> know shi*?

[crash1371]

2 men went Fishing.

funeral goes by.

1st man places his hat on his chest.

2nd man says 'that's nice'

1st man says. Its the least I can do we were married for 25 years.

[crash1371]

Son asked his mother the following question.

"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies:

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his dad.

"Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The dad looks at his son in surprise and says:

"SON, ALL HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES COME IN WHITE."

[crash1371]

A Husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.'

On the PA system:

"Cleanup needed on aisle 3. We have a husband down."

[Slough]

[crash1371]

MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE. ANOTHER SEVERELY INJURED.

A foursome of guys are waiting at the men's tee while a foursome of

women are hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit

her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it

completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five

feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,

"I guess all those f@#king lessons I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it, you

should have taken golf lessons instead!"

He never had a chance to duck.