240 LTS

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and put them back in and, when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,750) when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic.... "Try doing it with the engine running."

I guess he will appoint a Gulf Czar. He wants a world government yet he turns away those that offered help very early on. He went to a baseball game last night. I know there is no easy answer and anyone that would be POTUS would be hard pressed to get this stopped but he presented himself as the savior of all things wrong and when it come to more than just speeches, nothing happens. This morning I heard on talk radio there is walrus protection in the Gulf plans. http://seminal.firedoglake.com/diary/49170 They have other ships that ware ready to go help but due to PFD inspections, they are being held up from going.

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu. +Tourist: $5.00 +Broiled Missionary: $10.00 +Fried Explorer: $15.00 +Grilled Republican: $18.00 +Baked Democrat: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Baked Democrat?" The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all day!"

High Urinals A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the mens room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.' 'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.'

The Irish are so logical. ] The Irish Millionaire. Mick, from Dublin ,appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left phone a friend.. Everything is riding on this question..... will you go for it?" "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!" "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple...... It's a cuckoo." "Are you sure?" "I'm fookin sure." Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris. "Dat it is, Sir." There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!" The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.. "Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" "Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"

Define "available". Samples from WW? Then I'm requesting. I have some, the blue bottle, but would not refuse some more. Thank you. Jeff

Same here on the FB Twitter etc. Old school mates? I did not like them then, nor like them now. Never went to any school dances. I did go to 2 reunions, that was a mistake. Twitter, that I still do not understand. Who would actually take the time to "Follow" someones every daily move. ....I am looking out the window at the ocean...... ....where are my shoes....... .....the phone rang but I let go to voice mail..... ....what's that smell... ....I wish my neighbor would bend over again at her pool...... ....WTF?????????????..... I don't get it? Sometimes I post dumb crap to get a response, spread information and or start a conversation. One thing though, if you have a legit question on any subject, there usually is someone out there to give an educated answer. You can Google it, but I guess there is something about someone from "the family" providing an answer. Capt. Jeff

Post some photos of the oil debockle. Let us know first hand the effects you are seeing. The government and BP may not care but we do. The only thing is we have no power to do anything. All the suggestions on youtube and I am not sure if any of them are even going to be tried, even in a small area as a test. Don't be shy, post away. Thank you for your service to this country! Capt. Jeff

I was launching my bay boat earlier this year and there was a nice couple was on the dock looking around. I could tell they had never been there before and were new to the area. They asked me some questions about the boat and the area and did not seem like serial murderers so I asked them if they would like to go for a ride. I was taking the boat on a late evening test run. They said OK, so off we went. They had never been out in a boat before so for them to see the land from a different point of view meant a lot to them. Watching their faces and they saw blue herons, ospreys, egrets, swans, stuff we take for granted as we spend time on the water was pleasing, as simple as it was. They said, "Thank you" and expressed how much fun it was and left with a smile. I have never done anything like that before but I have thought about it. Even though I have the correct insurance, it does cross my mind if they were to fall or something and want to sue me. You know, "No good deed goes unpunished". I took my chances and it worked out. Capt. Jeff

Post your location, find someone near by that has the same interest as you in fishing that can not afford a boat but may be willing to help you on yours. Maybe they have a boat but your is more suitable for certain conditions and theirs for other conditions, types of water. Sometimes people with larger rigs would like to fish smaller waters and vice versa. You get help, keeps your interest on an upbeat note, share cost (maybe) etc, etc..... They get to be involved in something they can not afford to buy out right, can give you the kick in the pants to keep you motivated, maybe join a fishing club. There are plenty of nice people that see you in your boat and think, you are so lucky to have a boat and maybe say to each other, "I wish I had a boat or could go out with that guy (you)" There are freeloaders out there but plenty of boat lovers that would be willing to share the love for fishing and boating. It's a win, win. Capt. Jeff

There are more experts here than me but this makes sense. If you take any time to read the following forwarded e-mail, and hopefully you will, you will then understand why I consider this the BEST forwarded e-mail I have ever gotten! The entire e-mail is a lengthy but, the most important thing you need to remember is (4). Now you will know why all of the emails that you get from me are so clean. FY I, some of you do this and I thank you! This is for those of you that do not understand e-mail etiquette. Thank you, Mark ********************************************************** HOW TO FORWARD E-MAIL APPROPRIATELY A friend who is a computer expert received the following directly from a system administrator for a corporate system. It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails. Please read the short letter below, even if you're sure you already follow proper procedures. Please share it with your email buddies! Do you really know how to forward e-mails? Most of us DO NOT know how. Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail? Do you hate it? Every time you forward an e-mail, there is information left over from the people who got the message before you -- namely their e-mail addresses & names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses builds, and builds, and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus, and his or her computer can send that virus to every email address that has come across his computer. Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and he will make five cents for each hit. That's right, all of that inconvenience over a nickel! How do you stop it? Well, there are several easy steps: (1) When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them. Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever you know how to. It only takes a second. You MUST click the 'Forward' button first and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message. If you don't hit the forward button first you won't have full editing functions . I particularly dislike having to scroll through 200 Email addresses before I get to the email. (2) Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the "To:" or "Cc:" fields for adding e-mail addresses.. Always use the BCC: (blind carbon copy) field for listing the e-mail addresses. This is the way the people you send to will only see their own e-mail address. If you don't see your "BCC:" option click on where it says To: and your address list will appear. Highlight the address and choose BCC: and that's it, it's that easy. When you send to BCC: your message will automatically say 'Undisclosed Recipients' in the 'TO:' field of the people who receive it. That way you aren't sharing all those addresses with every Tom, Dick or Harry. (3) Remove any 'FW:' in the subject line. You can re-name the subject if you wish or even fix spelling. This one is very important - please read and heed (4) ALWAYS hit your Forward button from the actual e-mail you are reading. Ever get those e-mails that you have to open 10 pages to read the one page with the information on it? By Forwarding from the actual page you wish someone to view, you stop them from having to open many e-mails just to see what you sent. These are the ones that often end up having picked up a virus from somebody. This is really important! (5) Have you ever gotten an email that is a petition? It states a position and asks you to add your name and address and to forward it to 10 or 15 people or your entire address book. The email can be forwarded on and on and can collect thousands of names and email addresses. A FACT: The completed petition is actually worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and email addresses contained therein. If you want to support the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the intended recipient. Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than a laundry list of names and email address on a petition. (Actually, if you think about it, who's supposed to send the petition in to whatever cause it supports? And don't believe the ones that say that the email is being traced, it just ain't so!) (6) One of the main ones I hate is the ones that say that something like, 'Send this email to 10 people and you'll see something great run across your screen.' Or, sometimes they'll just tease you by saying something really cute will happen. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!!!!! (Trust me, I'm still seeing some of the same ones that I waited on 10 years ago!) I don't let the bad luck ones scare me either, they get trashed. (Could this be why I haven't won the lottery??) (7) Before you forward an Amber alert, or a Virus alert, or some of the other ones floating around nowadays, check them out before you forward them. Most of them are junk mail that's been circling the net for Years! Just about everything you receive in an email that is in question can be checked out at Snopes. Just go to http://www.snopes. com/ It's really easy to find out if it's real or not. If it's not, please don't pass it on. So please, in the future, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses. Finally, here's an idea!!! Let's send this to everyone we know (but strip my address off first, please). This is something that SHOULD be forwarded.

Be thankful for the little things, family and friends.

Mind control. Things are not always as they seem.

halibut

Now that's funny!

We were so poor if we had a mud pie, we would have eaten it.

The guy that delivered our dairy and bread was "Billy the Bread man". He would put it in a slightly insulated "Box" on our door step. I had a Polaroid Square Shooter II. It was awesome. I still have it and some photos I took with it.. We used to kneel real hard on my parents station wagon bench car seat in search of loose change If we found a quarter, we hit the mother load!!!! I high school, I had two pairs of pants and two shirts, hand me downs, that's it. How many ensembles can you make out of that selection? I was just glad my Mom gave me clean clothes. When I was 18, I had my 66 Mustang broken into "down by the river" (Big Gunpowder River trestle) when my brother and I were fishing. They stole my radio with 8 track player and all my 8 tracks in a case. I had just an 8 track player at home so I installed that for some tunes and the only tape I had that wasn't in the car was Jim Croce, Life and Times. I had no money to buy another radio, tape player or more 8 tracks so that Jim Croce album was all I had to listen to. I know every word to every song. Today's MP3, IPOD, blackberrys, I-phones, etc.... baaahhh humbug, kids don't know how good they have it. Maybe those past experiences are part of the reason why I appreciate what I have now. Jeff

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duhhh. :

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ***! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig? We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off you're a** and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks! And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that! And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores! And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were luckily, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before! Regards, The Over 30 Crowd

Yea, Pam and Erin is what Gay men watch: http://tv.popcrunch....march-22-video/

My wife has been dancing since she was a child. It's kept her very fit. She still dances now. ......no....not pole dancing,....get your mind out of the gutter... ballet tap, modern, etc.... She watches and records this show like I do fishing. Note to self: Install stripper pole in the bedroom. .

7,644 at 10:15 pm,

Nothing we can say or do (short of helping you find work) will help smooth out the bumpy road you are traveling at this time. Even though most here have never met and never will, I do believe there are very sincere members that wish you all the best and we are here to lean on with some moral support. Give this song a listen. It is a way a man that has lost everything keeps things in perspective. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNOk26p5DRQ&feature=related Give your kids a hug and tell them every day you love them. I'm sure you already do. Jeff

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately Clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when You realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How in the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes out after Blue Ray Disc's? I don't want to have to restart my collection over again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this garment ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello, Hello! Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did they do or where did they go after I didn't answer? Did they just drop the phone and run? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. Boy, what a waste. 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 18. My 4-year old nephew asked me in the car the other day "What would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How in the world do I respond to that? 19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.