WTF - Talking on the cell when in the bathroom

[Menzies]

I just saw it again, and I am seeing more of this.

Went into the bathroom to use the urinal. There is a guy standing there with the cell phone to his ear passing water. It was a business call and you could hear the woman on the other end. We have these auto-flushers so when he finishes and walks away it flushes with the appropriate noise. He then goes to the hand-basis, pumps the soap, washes his hands and uses the towel dispenser to dry!

Why would you either make a call or answer the phone when you are, or are about, to have a piss? Couldn't it wait a couple of minutes?

Do the people on the other end realize where this guy is?

I have also heard people in the traps answer their phone mid-dump, keep talking as they wipe and that toilet flushes etc.?

Is it me or is this a pretty ridiculous way to conduct business?

[Rusty]

Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall...

- "Hi there, how is it going?"

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say:

- "Not bad..."

Then the voice says:

- "So, what are you doing?"

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:

- "Well, I'm going back to Colorado..."

Then I hear the person say all flustered:

- "Look I'll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."

No! It's not me

Edited October 21, 2010 by Rusty

[redneck joe]

gotta doo business and gotta doo doo-doo.

I call it efficiency; excellent time management. Allows me to spend more time not working. Took a call form my IT dept today on the crapper.

[crash1371]

Look man sh!t happens. look at the bright side he did not come out of the stall and try to shake hands with you

[boatmanalso]

If this guy seems to be in there a little to often when you are and he is using his cameria phone ...

Is his name joey?

[welder]

Next time....

Go into a Stall and start making noise , like, OH YEAH , COME ON OUT , OH YEEEEEEAH , MAN IT"S A LOOOOONG WAY TO MAC DONALDS [ as you do the 1st flush ] WOOOOOOO SORRY Y'ALL BUT I FEEL BETTER ........

You get the point ?

[Kamper]

It's a power thing. From people who know they really don't have any power except that the person they are talking with has to take the call.

[TheTinMan]

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning

computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething

cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over

forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the

process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal,

following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch

at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with

subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things

would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go Christmas shopping. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go.

I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have

numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:

1.Occupied.

2.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

3.Poo on seat.

4.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

5.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of

toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trousers and

sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Sh1tter. I wasn't happy about being

next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds

of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone

conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of

Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Sh1tter was blathering to Mrs. Sh1tter about the sh1tty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer

cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand

against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded

with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone

ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall.

The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not

unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency

of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my *** cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became

apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's

continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the

bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a

gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had

ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of

choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear

that (gag)??"

Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear

that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and

blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in

me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later,

in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to

ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now,

all I could do was hang on for the ride.

Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he

desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made

themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up...

in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..."

followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at

the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding

down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear

words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I

could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal

announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily

into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a

fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him

running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage.

I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew

that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that

unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl.

Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom

with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a

face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

[DFreedom]

Thanks, I spewed coffee on my computer. Well, not MY computer, my work computer.

[TooReel]

Diet Coke all over my screen and keyboard.