Heard any good jokes lately ?

[Mint Buster]

Lets make this a thread about good old fashion jokes. Not taking stabs at any other members.

I'll be the first.............

A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the military and eventually became an Admiral. However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staf

The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

The Master Chief answered, "Why yes. I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

The Admiral threw him out also.

The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question.

"Do you notice anything different about me?"

To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."

The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin' ear."

[zebulon]

BaaaaaaWaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[zebulon]

I'll give it a try.............

A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.

He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp.

"This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.

"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.

"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible. " Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women. eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish.

"I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.

[Mint Buster]

hahahaha

Similar joke

a body builder is sitting at a bar. his body is completely built and muscular. Except the only feature is that his head is proportionately really small.

So a guy sitting next to him after a few drinks musters up the courage to ask him how he with such a muscular body has such a small head.

The body builder responds; " I was walking down the beach one day and found a lantern. I opened it up and a beautiful genie appeared.

The genie said she would grant me only one wish. So I wished that I could fuck the shit out of her.

Her reply was that she had to remain a virgin and asked if I had another wish.

So I said; "Well then how about a little head"

[Conchy Cheese]

I have to admit I suck at remembering most jokes but the first one has me rolling.

[Mint Buster]

When a person applies for a job within a government organization they are asked the question;

“If you are not stupid, slow, and incompetent, are you at least willing to act that way while on the job?”

[zebulon]

Golden Urinal

A man comes home late one night, drunk.
"Where have you been?" asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!"
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on."
On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

[Conchy Cheese]

[Mint Buster]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar.

Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

[Mint Buster]

A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top.

She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits.

Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me."

The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a ballerina?"

Because," answers the drunken man, "any chick that can lift her leg that high has GOT to be a ballerina."